Blue Skies on the Horizon

I am an external processor and as such need the freedom to share my life and experiences as I choose. I don’t do this for self-pity or for those around me to understand. I do this solely for me. This is my journey and I share as I feel inspired….with that said I had no idea doing the Body Love Program was going to bring out so much emotion!!! This picture was taken this morning after a night of gut-wrenching tears and waking up at 3:30 am sobbing. I know this program is so powerful because as things come up Candace always seems to know what to share next! She has superpowers people. We were sent a video on how to process emotion and how when we take away our crutches(my words) or coping mechanisms(food, bad habits and etc..) we allow the emotions to come forward to deal with. Well damn!!! I wish I would have pulled up the video last night instead of this morning. So many feelings of betrayal, shame, self-sabotage, and anger at myself and others. As I went through the steps provided for me and identified what the feelings were, I prayed and gave the words I identified with the feelings and asked my Savior to take it and gift me in return with peace and clarity. It’s hard to admit at times that we are our own worst critics and judges. It’s hard to admit that when we numb we hurt ourselves the worst. We kill our confidence and forget to see us as God sees us. I may have had one of the hardest nights I have ever had, but I made it through and when I look at this picture I see some lightness to my countenance and belief that I got this for at least one more day.